There is nothing like reading through God’s response to Job (Job 38-40) to remind you of who you are and what power you actually posses. I move through life with ideas of how to sustain the power I believe I carry while protesting against anything that stands in my path. Moments and seasons in life really accentuate my unhealthy obsession with control and are a source of discouragement to my spirit.
I know from experience that in seasons of challenge, I tend to cling to old habits and as a result, often find myself in a place of despair. Longing for relief and the freedom only God gives. As I move closer and closer to meeting my third child, I have been experiencing an escalating sense of anxiety about my ability to manage life with three children, a husband, and taking care of myself… at the same time. I have been told all the cliches about taking it a day at a time, taking time for myself, to only do what needs to be done and let the rest fall where it may. Truths, perhaps — but not particularly helpful to an anxious heart. It is far too easy to get caught up in what is breaking my heart and what I am fearful of that I can easily forget that there is still a universe full of stars.
God, you robed the earth with brilliant colors, clothed the sky with clouds. You are the father of the rain and birthed the morning dew. Your wisdom makes the hawk soar and by your command the eagles rise. You are the place at which the wind starts and have carpeted the wasteland with wildflowers. You are the God of Jacob, the Ancient of Days, my morning star.
These are the truths that speak to my anxious heart, reminding me that the God who is credited for these things loves me passionately. That despite my inability to care properly for myself at times (mind/body/spirit), a tiny baby still grows within my belly with or without my own strength. That even with foolish beliefs and actions the God who designed life is zealously pursuing ME. That regardless of my ignorance, He still offers me His spirit to fight for my heart.
But moreover, He expects me to stand up and release my grip, to gird (encircle, strengthen, secure) myself in who HE is.
“Gird up thy loins, now like a man: I will demand of thee and declare thou unto me” – Job 40:7
So, while I’m not sure what led me to God’s reply to Job or that it’s intended purpose is parallel to my situation, I can say that the way in which the Spirit can simultaneously give me a glimpse of how insignificant I am all the while reminding me I am deeply valued by the single creator of the stars, astounds me.
Spirit, it is you who guides my heart. Come close. Wait for me.