My recent weeks have been torrential at times. Biting my nails as I sit through unfortunately timed trains, mere minutes from the bell that reminds preschool is about to begin. New projects- new relationships- the intersection of the two… frightening my confidence. Deadlines are closing in, reminding me of how I used to push the garage door button and run out under, just in time.
I find myself searching for reminders of provision, love, and worth. My heart full of contention some mornings as I rise. I’m tired of tapping wood and crossing my fingers. I’m tired of planning futures and coveting security.
Lost sheep ways.
My moment alone today is in an uncomfortably warm car, with a baby sleeping in the backseat, parked in a public garage off of Michigan Ave. I am overlooking a construction site, a sky filled with fallishly grey clouds, and my feet kicked up in a “criss-cross” on the passenger side. This’ll do.
I’m not focused on my needs, although they are far from few. I’m reminded of how although my goals deserve attention and my timelines for the next year require planning, God has already seamlessly scripted them out.
My job as a sheep is to follow and trust. In my submission, God will bring this life into full fruition. Providing and blessing these pursuits.
God, you, the curator of all things beautiful- take this life as an offering- a joyful gift, as I wait and see where your wind will blow.
1 Peter 5:6-7