Something has to go.
I do not recall that I have experienced the thief of time like I have in the past 3 months. I have found that I am incapable of doing the dishes, including “therapy” into our daily lives, grocery shopping, cleaning toilets, preparing healthy well-rounded meals, being a decent wife, and taking time to build a career in writing, well.
Silent battles are taking place.
When did I become so rigid?
I have the tendency to hold myself to nonsensical expectations. I hold onto the belief that I am what bring my children safety, I am what holds my family together (both big and small), I have to empty the dish tray within 7 minutes post wash.
It is a little OCD a little “god-complex”.
I ran across a noteworthy quote this past week, As soon as one begins to divide things up, there are names; once there are names, one should know when to stop; knowing when to stop, one thereby avoids perils. -Tao Te Ching
Now, I will not even venture into suggesting what Lao-Tzu meant by this quote… but, it resonated within me. Take the time I have, divide it up, and give it a name.
I wake up ambitious, most mornings. I mentally run through my list of plans, have-to’s, and want-to’s. The only issue is that I do not specify when each will occur within the time allotted for that day. During the late afternoon hush, I find that few of my want-to’s have even been stirred. My mind has been simmering on them all day, and yet the only time I find is anything but quality and thoughtful.
With the encouragement and push I have received from others and the small successes that I have had with my writing, I have decided to go forth with attempting to build something out of this labor of love. I have a handful of options, submissions, and proposals to get the game started, but feel absolutely overwhelmed with attempting to learn the ropes of the field while prudently raising a family.
It is a challenge for me to divert my energy and some of my time to something solely for me, but with the support of my husband, it is finally becoming a reality.
I read in my devotional the other morning about putting your time with God first, to not feel guilty about the time you spend with him and to devote the best of you to divine communion. He has the ability to make more things happen in less time than I could ever orchestrate.
I am placing this next target in His hands, at His feet, on top of Him… repeatedly, because He is the only one who can truly help things settle into a comfortable rhythm for us, which will be the biggest stumbling block to success if left untamed.
Thanks to all of you who believe in me, have encouraged me, and for the readers who I do not even know who so faithfully follow the words God is delivering through my mouth. I am thankful that God has given me a relentless source of inspiration in my life and constant flow of words. I am going to give it my best!