As I watch my tummy expand larger than I knew humanly possible, I am reminded of Maeby’s arrival. I am left with a sense of urgency surrounding the preparation that needs to occur before she takes up her official place in our little family. As I learned with Noah, it is easy to have all the gadgets, swaddling blankets, cute furry boots, and baby toys that a newborn could possibly need. This time around, we have not purchased more than a couple outfits, new bed sheets that will undoubtedly not get their intended use, and some new baby lotion. I feel incredibly under prepared to say the least. I have mentioned to Matt on multiple occasions that we have so much left to do, that “next month this time will be crazy because of everything we are throwing together last minute”! He often looks at me with a confused look and a smile.
I don’t think that this feeling of urgency is actually about purchasing items that she will probably not need and clearly not play with as an infant. I think that my heart is being driven to nest in a more meaningful manner. I am nervous about meeting her, bringing her into our family, and everything hypothetically changing. I am nervous about my role as a mother to two children. I am quite nervous about being a role model to another person, who is going to catch far more from me than I teach her. I feel so preoccupied with Noah almost every second of the day that it is hard to stop and mentally prepare for this new little life.
The responsibility I feel in raising my children well is proving to be a big undertaking. I recently read in the book that a child’s security is firmly found in knowing that their mom and dad are a strong unit. If I am teaching my children what it means to live a life that is glorifying to God, and I am living that out in my relationship with my spouse, then my children will see the fruits of the spirit that come from that lifestyle. If my children can see that I am living out the gospel in the most intimate relationship that I have been given, they will have an authentic picture of what it means to live according to the Word. They will see Jesus. What could be more important?
These are vitally important to me. I want nothing more than for my children to have a meaningful personal relationship with Christ. The last thing I want is to be a stumbling block in their journey to His heart.
So while, it may be easier to just go out and buy her a new stuffed cuddly lamb (which I still have on my to-do list but can’t seem to find the perfect one), and fill my time by building her a little heaven on earth within our home, I can’t seem to quiet the passion I have felt for my own marriage (not that I have tried). Preparing for Maeby has brought me more spiritual growth than I had anticipated, and a deeper understanding of my real purpose on this earth… at least for the time being. No, not to be a good mom, but to display God’s love, goodness, and mercy to those in my life, which will make me a good mom, and the wife God intended… all by default. I want to make little disciples out of the little children that God has loaned to us. I want to honor God with the marriage He blessed upon me. Thankfully, I have a husband who is easy to love, respect, and cherish… but that is not the half of it. He wants so much more from us than to just “love”. He wants to be first, priority, who we hold to so tightly.
I want to hear my master to say to me “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master” -Matthew 25:23
We serve a God who has ALL things, yet still wants us. Us! He is offering us more than a good life, a good marriage, good children. I trust He will exceed any expectation of a great life I can conjure up, if we seek Him first.
Playing with daddy
Matt’s office was looking a bit bare, so we spruced it up with Noah’s photography skills. I am amazed at Noah’s capabilities on his ipad. All editing, photo taking, and cropping were done by the one and only ND!