The Leaving

Hireath is in full effect.


It was 7:28am last Thursday morning when we pulled onto I90 and left Rochester. As we passed by all the familiar places of our last two and half years, it didn’t feel quite real. I had been equally dreading and anticipating this move for months. It was a bit hypnagogic to finally be experiencing what I had been planning and imagining. Over the course of the next 36 hours, I shed many tears as I sat squashed between Matt and Noah’s car seat in the tiny cab of our U-haul. Once we arrived in South Bend, we had a fairly full schedule of unloading, unpacking, and finding things to fill our new home. All of this made it quite convenient for me to forget what was actually going on… We had left our home.

Home is no longer
My human soul whimpering
Bandaging blue blood

Each time we have moved, we have had two loyal companions who tend to gravitate towards us. My parents stepped in at just the right time, as always. They provided a hotel suite and plenty of meals out to help us as we readied our new home. They looked after Noah and me while Matt went back to Rochester to finish up work responsibilities. We unpacked, broke down boxes, and folded linens together. We shared pizza, laughs, and hugs. Noah got time with his best friends on earth.

Breakthrough sun warms me
Commitment to offspring, deep
Safely in their arms

It was 12:37pm Tuesday when they flew out of South Bend. As I drove back to our new house, passing all the familiar places of our 8 years in South Bend, it didn’t feel quite real. I felt alone, stranded, and a deep desire to escape. I felt unsatisfied…resentful…forlorn.  I was on my own, pregnant, with a toddler, in a house that contained my belongings, but wasn’t my home.

North Shore take me home
Back to my Highland of dreams
A, B, C, safety

I know it will take time, I know I will come around… but right now, it hurts and I am longing for something I cannot have.

I miss the diversity of Rochester, the unique people, the open mindedness. I miss familiar people, friends, and our coffee shop. I miss our front porch, taking walks down Park Ave. and the crappy parking situation on Homer St.
A new phase has come
Ouch, I just bit my tongue
Fingers crossed, look up

~~~

Writing helps to heal, it puts into words what pictures cannot. It crystallizes our realities into memories making them reachable to our spirits.


2 thoughts on “The Leaving

  1. I cant wait to come visit the new place! I pray for a comfort to come over your family as you make this your home once again. Love you guys, C

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